12 Easy Steps to Having The Most Successful Valentines Day EVER

bad valentines gifts

  • Step 1: Start off the romantic day by only texting her “Sup” for the whole morning. Women love a man of few words. In fact the less you play up Valentine’s Day the better. Women hate it anyways.
  • Step 2: When she says dress up she DOES means show up in a rock/metal band tee with those khaki pants. Nothing screams romanticism like a bunch of skulls, guns, and blood. The more worn out and battered the better, ladies love battle wounds.
  • Step 3: Pick the cheapest flowers in the shop. It will show your girl your mad budgeting skills. And if they are drooping that’s a sign you picked the right flowers, it shows even the flowers bow down to her.
  • Step 4: Get her something practical like deodorant or batteries. Practical gifts are way more thoughtful then romantic cheesy gifts, DEFINITELY on Valentine’s Day.
  • Step 5: Show up 30 minutes early, because she will LOVE to spend time with you and talk to you as she rushes around getting ready.
    • Step 5.5: If she says something like “Your early, I’m still getting ready” say something to the effect of “A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.”
  • Step 6: Once she finally deems herself presentable tell her she looks “Fine”, as they say… the best China is the “Finest China”
    • Step 6.5: If she asks again immediately, stare her down with the biggest sternest eyes you got. A glaring stare in the Lady language means love and admiration. She will definitely get the encouragement she needs.
  • Step 7: As you finally leave her abode and walk to the car DO NOT OPEN HER DOOR. Nothing screams you hate women and equality more then opening a door.
  • Step 8: Where to go for Dinner? Ask her silly? She will tell you exactly where to go on the first try. Also women don’t like decisive men, the more indecisive you are the better.
    • Step 8.5: For the restaurant of choosing, make sure to only bring up a barbecue or pasta joint. Why You ask? Because Ladies love the way barbecue and/or Alfredo looks on their dress.
  • Step 9: During dinner, talk business. Don’t talk about your feelings or your amazing history as a couple. Women find that too cheesy and cliche. AND NEVER bring up how she makes you feel, your girl definitely doesn’t want to know what is on your mind, actually the more blank stare you give her the better (See Step 6.5)
  • Step 10: Paying the Bill- Its a well known fact and tradition that the female pays for the dinner, so feel free to leave that wallet at home.
  • Step 11: DO NOT do anything after the dinner. Women hate long nights so try to wrap things up by 8/8:30. This will show her how considerate of her time you are and thus how much you love her.
  • Step 12: The Drop Off- Pull up to her apartment/house. Do not do the cliche walk to the door and kiss move, she will see it coming. Instead give your women one finale stare (Like in Step 6.5) to give her the message you have had an enjoyable night and love her company.

And that’s it. 12 easy steps to having the most successful Valentines Day Ever.


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